When given a hypothetical about a spouse having an affair, many people respond that they would get a divorce. When confronted with the situation in reality, however, they often choose to try to salvage the relationship. If you have been unfaithful, ending the affair is just one of the things you should do to try to save your marriage.
1. Do care by giving special attention to your partner
Your spouse probably feels like you don’t care much, even though you have agreed to attempt to save your marriage. You need to remind your spouse that you do care by giving special attention to your partner. For instance, if he/she normally does the dishes after dinner, grab a towel to help. At least stay in the kitchen until the dishes are done; don’t wander off. Try to have a conversation to show your interest and that you want to spend time together, regardless of what you are doing. Try to say things that indicate you’ve been paying attention to the conversations you’ve been having. Something as simple as, “So did Jim’s presentation fall apart today like you thought it would?” can mean a lot to someone who is feeling ignored by an unfaithful partner.
2. Think about your spouse when you are apart
Think about your spouse when you are apart, also, if you truly want to save your marriage. Letting your spouse know you are thinking of him/her can reinforce the positive image you are trying to rebuild. Send a text message (but don’t use the “quick text” in your phone—type your own message). Give a quick call during a break. If you can schedule time to drop in every once in a while and take your partner to lunch or for coffee, that is even better. When you get gas or stop at the grocery store, pick up something you know is a favorite for him/her. Grab a special snack or a single flower, and leave it on a pillow or the seat in the car. These are good reminders that your spouse is on your mind.
3. Changing the behavior that led to being unfaithful
Changing the behavior that led to being unfaithful in the first place is the most significant step to save your marriage. Examine your motives. If self-esteem needs led you toward an affair, get therapy. If medical issues contributed, see your doctor. Avoid seeing the person you were unfaithful with. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with someone you have romantic feelings for other than your spouse. If you have decided to try to save your marriage, then you should cultivate romantic feelings only toward your spouse. Keeping yourself out of temptation’s way helps keep you from being unfaithful again.
4. Take a trip alone together
One of the best things you can do to save your marriage is take a trip alone together. Your partner may not be enthusiastic since he/she is probably not feeling very intimate with you right now, but you need to regain the comfort level you had before you were unfaithful if you want to save your marriage. The destination shouldn’t be a place that is one of your favorite romantic getaways. Start new.
It is important to remember that, regardless of how long they have been together, a new relationship is formed when one marriage partner is unfaithful. Infidelity makes spouses see each other in a totally different way. But sometimes problems that led to the affair can often be alleviated through the conversation and adjustment that occurs when people try to salvage a relationship. Being unfaithful destroys the trust that cements a marriage, but the foundation can be rebuilt. Time, energy and patience will help you win back that trust and save your marriage after you have been unfaithful.