Anyone who thinks dating nowadays is easy must have found true love next door. Even with the introduction of apps like Tinder or websites like eHarmony, the whole dating scene is one gigantic question mark.
Sure, sending messages to one another over the Internet should be easy and relatively laid back. You should be able to express yourself and get a response. Yet, time and again your messages to potential dates go unanswered.
What could you be doing wrong? Are you really this socially awkward? Probably not. But in order to ensure you get a response every time, here are some tips on what include in your dating app message and what to exclude:
What to avoid
1. “Hey cutie. What u up 2? Hmu”
First, we’re all adults here (at least, I hope so), so chill with the shorthand chatspeak or netspeak (who dis?) and put together a complete sentence. Most worthy people on dating apps are educated and busy, so an immature display will likely get you ignored.
Also, correctly use grammar. Use your apostrophes. Know the difference between they’re, their, and there. “Haha” and “lol” are safe though.
2. “I am single and trying to find Mr. (or Mrs.) Right”
Well, duh. We know you are single. Otherwise, you probably would not be caught dead using a dating app. Second, “trying to find Mr. Right” is like waving an “I am high maintenance and desperate” sign above your head. And no, “single and ready to mingle” is not going to get you any serious takers either.
3. “You seem interesting and attractive. Would you like to chat?”
Seems innocent, right? But this is kind of a state-the-obvious introduction. People are putting their best face forward 90% of the time on dating apps and usually are pretty confident in themselves. But telling someone they are interesting is kind of loaded. Interesting how? If you give more detail, like, “It is interesting you lived in China. I have always wanted to go,” that is perceived as more genuine.
4. “Hey baby/gorgeous/hottie/stud muffin, text me (insert phone number)”
Anyone who immediately adds their contact number to the introductory message is a definite step/swipe left, dump into oblivion kind of person. Do not be that kind of person.
What to write
Now, if you really want to make an excellent first impression on the person who has caught your attention, this is what you write to get a response:
1. Start with a broad topic question
Instead of “What’s up?” “How are you?” and all those questions that can leave one hanging with unsubstantial discussion material, aim for something loaded (but safe). For example, “What is your stance of breakfast for dinner?” Or, you can ask something less bizarre like, “So how long have you been working for your company?” People like talking about their opinions, after all.
2. No comments on the physical
Seriously, just do not do it. Your message should be focusing on the material they have in their profile. Mention that you think it is awesome they are a photographer or that you share a similar interest in a specific band.
Tell them they are able to speak Italian is fascinating, and if you know their second language, make use of a phrase or two. In short, respect them for their personality, not for their gorgeous face.
3. Short and simple
Succinctness shows intrigue but not desperation. Keep the introductions short. A long message can overwhelm the receiver and will turn them off. Open with a salutation.
Show interest in their personality or likes and dislikes then offer a question to get the conversation going. For example, “Hi there, I am (name). I saw you are a graphic designer. That’s awesome. What is your take on that new multi-dot trend?”
Resist the urge to use corny pick-up lines, and do not focus on the physical. Sounds easy enough, right? Make use of these online dating app rules, and you will soon have an inbox flooded with responses.
The person of your dreams may be among those replies, but stay cool, and resist the urge to come on too strongly. And remember, have fun meeting new people.