Step-parents learn some life lessons every day. They go through a lot of difficult situations that teach them what they should never say and why not. Everybody knows that each child can be very nervous, angry and mischievous, but when it is your step-child you need to control yourself more than usually. The reasons of this behavior can be really different, but you should keep calm anyway. I have a lot of life practice at the role of step-mother, so I can give you some tips that will definitely help you.
1. Love them all equally
If you are going to get pregnant when you have already had one step-child, don’t make him/her feel less love. Share your love equally, they both need it. If you spend all day with your biological child, the next day should be only for you and your step-child. I know, it will take a lot of your time, but don’t forget this was your choice. Remember, your “own” child initially have more “rights” to your attention, don’t let you step-child feel him-/herself unwanted.
2. Don’t let them dominate over you
If your step-children have not been already children, don’t let them become pushover. There is some discipline in each family and everybody needs to follow these rules. I understand that you want them to like you, but you must not let them be impunity. If their father said that they need to do something, don’t do them free of it. If he forbids them eating sweets before dinner, don’t let them eat some. Anyway, you are a parent and you have this force too, make them follow all rules. If you must say “No” in no case say “Yes”.
3. Don’t discipline them too much
Your children must respect you the same way with any other adults. But if you feel they do something wrong and you understand they will not hear you, the best way will be to call your spouse. If you begin the altercation, you will regret it in the end. Don’t let them say these offensive words:” I will not follow you, you are not my real parent!” Give them all support, love and attention you have, but you don’t need to argue with them in any other ways. The best way will be your spouse’s support. Tell children, their father forbade them playing somewhere or watching TV, for example.
4. Don’t berate their biological parent
Whatever you think about the “real” parents of your step-child, never say bad words about them. Even if you feel that children hate or resent them. This should be the main thing in your relationship. Don’t let yourself humiliate birth parents, even if they deserve it. Anyway, remember, you are an adult and you need to be like a role model.
5. Never try to be the same
There are two sides of being the same. Do not overdo in your role! On the one hand, they think you are cool, and they will come to you to ask some advice. But on the other hand, they may decide they can do whatever they want. Don’t let them think this way. You are their friend, but don’t be the one of them, this role will damage your parent potential.
6. Don’t be jealous of their “pre-you” life
I know, you have already heard some words like “Do you remember?” or “You know, this is a family tradition!” I’m so sorry, it’s really hard, because you have your own traditions and memories, but keep calm and relax. Accept the fact that they had the life before you, but try to full the present time with your feelings, experiences and traditions. Never try to get rid of some things from their past, don’t feel some sadness because of it. Remember, some time your step-children will share with their own families your both memories.
7. Three’s a crowd
Don’t let your child feel some loneliness. If you and your husband are going somewhere to be alone, don’t forget about him or her. It’s really hard to feel yourself unwanted. I know you are like any lovers need some time only for you two. And I’m sure, you will find some time for this. Take your child with you on your weekend and once she or he will understand that you need some time to be alone. Remember, children grow up quickly, so share your happy time with them.
Don’t worry, I have had a lot of difficult times with my step-children, but I did it! Now, we have the best relationship ever and we really love each other! So, what can you say about your life? Have you ever had step-children? How did you manage some troubles? Tell us, please, and give some advices.