Feelings of insecurity are pretty common in our society. It is not surprising when you look at how much of our self-worth we attribute to our accomplishments and our appearance. Sadly, in the western world, it is not considered ‘enough’ to just ‘be.’
Then we go and compare our real selves to others’ social media feeds, and it all gets too much. Let’s just pause for a moment and remember that we are all worthy of love and respect, whether we have an Instagram-perfect life or not.
Relationships are not the cause, but rather a trigger
Providing that you are in a healthy relationship, there should be no real need to feel insecure about it. Not once you have made peace with the fact that you are a real person. You are not your career, nor your belongings, nor your Facebook profile. You are a beautiful, messy, emotional, and wonderful being.
Being in a relationship can trigger your insecurities because you do not want to lose your partner. They are a part of your life, but they have a mind of their own. And sometimes, you worry what goes on in their mind.
Would they rather be with someone else?
Are you good enough for them?
I want to present you with an uncomfortable reality – your insecurity begins and ends with you. You have the power to shut it down.
Embrace who you are
Let’s get practical. If you do not love yourself, then it is rather tricky for someone else to love you properly. You have to define your own boundaries, and show the people in your life who you are and how you want to be treated.
If you focus on your insecurities, then what are you presenting to the people around you? It is rather simple really. Focus on what you want to be recognized for, and that is what other people will notice more too.
Do not let the insecurity gremlins crawl all over you
Let’s say you have an office job that is not your passion, but it pays your bills. You compare yourself to friends who have exciting careers, and that makes you feel insecure. Then, knowing how our minds work, of course, you start to wonder if your partner wishes you had a better career too. And before you know it, the insecurity gremlins are crawling all over you.
So what is the alternative? Focus on your strengths. Say you do not love your day job, but your hobby is painting landscapes and you are pretty amazing at it. So this is where you focus, and then others shift their focus there too.
You are not someone with a boring job. You are an amazing artist, who also happens to be responsible enough to keep a job that pays the bills. Doesn’t that sound better? And all you have changed is your focus.
This works across the board
It honestly does not matter if the source of your insecurity is your career, your looks, or anything else. You and only you can choose to focus on your strengths. If you can start to change your mindset and focus on your best bits, you will feel the change both in yourself and in the way that other’s respond to you.
The bottom line – confidence is sexy. If you want others to love you, then love yourself first. Think good things about yourself, and over time you will stop worrying what others think of you.