10 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes That Make the Table Laugh
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“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
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Erma Bombeck
“Thanksgiving: when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.”
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Melanie White
“Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.”
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Conan O’Brien
“My cooking was so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.”
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Phyllis Diller
“Thanksgiving, the day where there’s never enough food. You can’t just have a turkey. No, there has to be a roast beef or a ham too. Or both. It’s the only day we have mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes.”
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Lewis Black
“I heard about a trend where, this Thanksgiving, people made tiny turkeys. You may know them by their other name: chicken!”
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Jerry Seinfeld
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
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George Burns
“I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.”
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Joan Rivers
“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.”
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Jimmy Fallon
“A lot of Thanksgivings have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”