What has love got to do with it? Pretty much everything. While love continues to dominate our world, and while many people continue to lust after the idea of falling in love with the perfect vision of partnership, there are some myths that continue to persist. Perhaps it is that so many people are just in love with love, but you know how the saying goes, “Try to reason about love and you will lose your reason.” On that note, here are seven popular love myths we keep believing:
1. When you find the one, you will know
Otherwise known as the “love at first sight” phenomenon, the sensation that overcomes you when sighting “the one” is more or less just a wash of hormones created by your eyes liking what you see and your brain melting. Of course, that lust can turn into love over time. Most people take the time to fall in love because getting to know one another is key. Rather than trust in love at first sight, trust in developing a real relationship and learning more about the other individual.
2. Love is the sign that you are meant to be
No. Just because you love someone does not mean you are going to wind up together. Life, unfortunately, does not work that way. Dysfunctional couples love one another, but they also hurt one another, for example. There is more to being “meant to be” than just love. You need compatibility, respect, similar values, chemistry, and support.
3. The first cut is the deepest
Nah, sorry. The reason the first cut feels like it is the deepest is that humans naturally put a lot of weight on their “firsts.” You remember your first kiss, your first sexual encounter, your first love, and even your first failure because there is something gained from it. Yet, you can fall in love without someone, be with them for years, and find out it was all a lie. You can’t tell me that cut would not be deeper.
More: How to Forgive Yourself When You Can’t Love Him
4. Love makes you feel complete
This goes along the same lines as “love is all you need.” No, there are hundreds of things that can replace love to fill the void. Loving yourself first before anything or anyone else is the major component.
You should feel complete within yourself, not by depending on another. Plus, you should never have to compromise things that make you happy and fulfilled, like peanut butter, wine, hanging out with friends, and your me-time to make someone else feel complete.
5. There is someone out there for everyone
I hate to burst your love bubble, but soulmates are a myth. Reread number 4 if you do not believe me. Soulmates, while a pleasant thought, is a restriction brought about by the idea that monogamy is the true face of love.
Nowadays, people are starting to see that it is easy to love multiple people at once. It is the choice you make that either lands you in a meaningful monogamous relationship or a polyamorous one. Besides, the odds of you meeting the one person destined for you when there are billions of people in this world is setting you up for defeatism.
6. Love is unpredictable
Nope, not true. There is even a scientific study done by the Gottman Institute that looked into the predictability of relationships. By the end of the study, the researchers could predict divorces with over 90% accuracy. Whether love lasted or not came down to some very solid components, such as how the couples handled conflict together and whether or not they made positive comments about one another in lieu of negative ones.
7. Happily ever after
This is no Disney movie. Things do not end with chirping birds and beautiful music most days. Relationships are hard work.
Once you find love, you have to commit to maintaining that love and overcoming difficulties together. Otherwise, that love will crumble into dust. If you cannot put in the effort to work towards a life together, the happily ever after will never come.
More: When You Are the Girl Who Is Difficult to Love
Love is a mysterious emotion. A redoubtable force that transforms lives and makes people do things that are completely irrational. With love, people change.
Does that mean that all our thoughts about love are true? No, but that does not detract from the beauty of finding the one who makes your heart sing. So even if you do not believe in falling in love, never stop feeling the love.1